Illness | Grief | Money | Addiction

The Shock I Felt When Looking Through My Wife’s Credit Card Statements After She Died

Maybe it was better that I found out later

Alan AJ
3 min readDec 4, 2023

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Candles, fruit, a piggy bank, coins, and flowers
Image created by the author using Image Creator from Microsoft Bing

Jane enjoyed playing games on her iPod touch, so I bought her an iPad for Christmas 2011. I still remember picking it up from PC World.

When I told the young staff member it was a gift for my wife, his reaction made me wonder if I’d gone over the top. It was more expensive than our usual Christmas gifts, but I wanted Jane to have some fun.

Deep down, I knew time was not on our side.

I felt slightly tearful as I carried the iPad to my car, wondering how many more years she would be around to celebrate Christmas. As it turned out, the following one in 2012 would be her last.

Over the years, Jane had often enjoyed a few casual video games, but her interest increased during her illness, and she spent a lot of time playing games such as Bejeweled and Hay Day.

I have to admit there were times when it got on my nerves because her gaming sometimes got in the way of our conversations.

Thankfully, those occasions were not too frequent.

Fast forward to the summer of 2013.

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Alan AJ

One day I'll think of something good to put here. For now, just know I'm 50-something years old and I keep writing about life.