Illness | Grief | Money | Addiction

The Shock I Felt When Looking Through My Wife’s Credit Card Statements After She Died

Maybe it was better that I found out later

Alan AJ
3 min readDec 4, 2023


Candles, fruit, a piggy bank, coins, and flowers
Image created by the author using Image Creator from Microsoft Bing

Jane enjoyed playing games on her iPod touch, so I bought her an iPad for Christmas 2011. I still remember picking it up from PC World.

When I told the young staff member it was a gift for my wife, his reaction made me wonder if I’d gone over the top. It was more expensive than our usual Christmas gifts, but I wanted Jane to have some fun.

Deep down, I knew time was not on our side.

I felt slightly tearful as I carried the iPad to my car, wondering how many more years she would be around to celebrate Christmas. As it turned out, the following one in 2012 would be her last.

Over the years, Jane had often enjoyed a few casual video games, but her interest increased during her illness, and she spent a lot of time playing games such as Bejeweled and Hay Day.

I have to admit there were times when it got on my nerves because her gaming sometimes got in the way of our conversations.

Thankfully, those occasions were not too frequent.

Fast forward to the summer of 2013.

After a few weeks, a letter from Barclaycard advised me to find and cancel any recurring payments Jane might have had.

Jane passed away in June 2013, and it was the hardest time of my life.

After three years of caring for her at the end of our 21 years together, there was suddenly a huge void.

I still had our two children to take care of, and they certainly kept me busy. But I no longer had all the hospital appointments, doctors, and prescriptions to deal with. And I didn’t have to do things like helping Jane in the bath and shower.

Looking back, I was numb during those early weeks after Jane’s death, so I kept myself as busy as possible.

The quiet moments were the hardest, so I threw myself into dealing with all the legal and practical…



Alan AJ

Random life stories, opinions, and a dry sense of humour. A 55-year-old former electronics engineer and programmer in England. Previously 'Autistic Widower'.